The Talk
by The Thunderbird
Summary: Omi learns.. the facts of life. Because we all know he doesn't know x-x


Author's note: Well, here she be. O_O; Well all know Omi's retardedly naïve, so here we go. This was actually inspired by an episode of Weiss Gluhen, but I like WK better. Well, kinda. A Gluhen fic wouldn't work here . Anyway

I don't own Weiss. ;-;. Or the couch. 

Yohji stormed to the basement of the flower shop, hopping to shake off his interrogator.  Door opened, he flew down the spiraling steps and jumped to the ground.  But Aya was much too fast for him and soon had him cornered against the edge of the couch. 

            "So that's why you didn't answer any of my calls? You were-"

            "Tch, Aya, you don't understand."  Yohji turned his head away, running his fingers thought his hair.  Aya's glare on him tightened and he almost reached out to force Yohji to look at him, but he was interrupted.

            "…What did Yohji go?"  Omi looked up at him, sitting on the very same couch next to Ken.  Aya blinked.  He was unsure why he hadn't noticed either of them, but this certainly would put more people on his side. Without another thought, he replied.

"Yohji went on a date with a girl tied to the mission."

            "Yohji!" Ken shook his head disapprovingly.  Then, pondering he asked; "Did you… get any information off of her?"

            "I did!" Yohji said triumphantly, ignoring Aya's sneer. "But _he_ doesn't think that's good enough." Then he grinned. "That's not all I got off of her..."

            Ken blinked, and then his face grew into quite a sheepish look. "So you..."

            "Oh yeah!" Yohji thumped his chest in an overly masculine gesture.  "I shagged her rotten, baby!"

            "..Guys…" Omi began quietly.  His remark went unheard as Aya pulled his hand into an angry fist to shake at Yohji.

            "That's even worse. Sleeping with a girl this important! Think of-"

            "How was she?"

            "…guys..?"

            "Ehehehe.. Can't say I've had too many better…"

            "Oh? You mean you've actually had women before?"

            "Guys!"

            "What?! I've have more dates in a month than you'll ever have in your life, Ken!"

            "Being rejected doesn't count, Yohji."

            "HEY. GUYS."

            All eyes turned to Omi, who had stood up, casting a dark frown. "…What are you talking about? What did Yohji do with the girl?"

            An awkward silence filled the room.  Ken gave a dodging couch, shooting a worried look at Aya, who was staring at the floor.  Yohji, however, could only contain his mirth for a few seconds.

            "….Ahahahahhahaa!" He wailed, leaning over the couch for support. "Omi doesn't know what sex is!"

            The boy turned very red then, realizing how naïve he must sound.  But he was determined to over come it. "No, I don't.  You have to tell me now."

            Aya snorted and headed for the stairs.  Ken watched him go, then with a start, hopped to follow. "Ahh, Aya, wait! I don't want to hear Yohji's corrupted explanation."

            Yohji laughed at them both. "Corrupted? Ha, Ken just doesn't know either." Grinning, he turned his attention quickly to Omi, leaping over to sit on the couch, motioning him to do the same.  Clearing his throat, he began. "So, Omi. Do you know where babies come from?"

            "What? The stork, everyone knows that. What does that have to do with this?"

            Yohji sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Everything, Omi.  There is no stork."

            The boy stared at him; his eyes riveted with shock. "What?! Then… where _do babies come from?"_

            "Well…" Yohji stroked his chin, thinking.  He made a quiet remark that he should shave, and then looked back at Omi.  "It all starts… when a man and a woman really like each other."

            "Like you and that girl?"

            "Yes... only, sometimes the man and the woman don't really like each other that much and the man seduces the woman because he's horny."

            Omi blinked. "…What?"

            "Nevermind. So when they really like each other… they… find a... bedroom."

            "…Why?"

            "That's just where you do it.  Unless.."

            "Unless what? And …do _what?"_

            Yohji huffed, his voice raised to a formidable level.  "I'll TELL YOU if you'd just LISTEN."

            Omi whimpered, but nodded.  His team mate continued, thoughtfully.

            "So… first they take off their clothes."

            The boy stifled another question, turning particularly red.  Yohji was pondering again, as if trying to explain it to himself.

            "Then... you know.. you put your.. man thing in her… woman thing."

            "…Man thing?!" Omi blurt out, unable to contain himself. 

"Yeah, this." His eyes shot open as Yohji suddenly groped him. 

"That?" He squeaked.

"Yes."

"And you..."

"Yes."

"So that's..." Omi stood, a look of realization glittering in his eyes.  Yohji beamed with pride.

"Get it?"

"…No." he sat again, dejectedly.  "How does _that make a baby?"_

            Yohji sighed, shaking his head.  "Haven't you ever had a wet dream before, Omi?"

            "A what?!"

            "That's what I thought." Again, he sighed. His face twisted into several perplexed positions as he searched for the right words.  "Well… we have… this stuff.  And when you… put it in a woman, it makes a baby."

            "It does?"  Omi was incredulous. "How?!"

            "Mmm... oh, that's right. It's called fertilization."

            "'Fertilization'?  But that's…" The boy gasped, then spoke in a sort of low, careful whisper. "Yohji, are we… are we PLANTS?"

            Yohji blinked, his eyes widening.  "… A little bit?  Ah, I've got it. So men have 'pollen', ok?"

            "Got it."

            "And when we have SEX with a lady, it's like a bee pollinating a flower."

            "….Really?"

            "Yes!" Yohji was on a roll, speaking very quickly. "And then, then lady makes… like a 'seed' and it grows in her stomach for nine months, and t hen she has a baby!"

            "REALLY?! Wow! I get it!"

            "Good." Yohji leaned back on the couch, letting out a long breath of relief.

            "..But I have two questions."

            "Shoot."

            "Did you want to have a baby with that girl?"  Omi asked, blinking uncertainly. 

            "…No."

            "Then why did you have sex with her?"

            "Well..." Yohji grinned.  "You'll have to find that out on your own.  What's your other question?"

            "Umm…" Omi became increasingly flushed, looking down shamefully at the ground.  Yohji gave him a hearty and encouraging pat on the back.

            "C'mon, what could be more embarrassing than what we already talked about?"

            A lot of things and they both knew that.  Nevertheless, Omi swallowed hard and asked his question.

            "…What happens... when… there are two guys?"

            END

A/N: ….:D?! Well, I liked it. NO I AM NOT GOING TO WRITE MORE ~_~;


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